As I prepared my panel presentation for last Saturday’s MoneyWise Empowerment Seminar in Oakland,  I started with the question:

Why do we need to pay attention to money-related stress?

The answer came quickly, and with a vengeance:

When we’re stressed about money, we don’t keep it to ourselves!

*      Did you know that disagreements about money are often cited as  #1 reason for divorce? 

*      Unemployment, debt, and foreclosures cause a huge amount of domestic stress, which can lead to violence in the home.  And violence in the home affects our children, as well as each parent, and even the extended family.

*      In my experience of over two decades as a couple’s counselor, I find it is often easier for couples to talk openly and honestly about sex that it is to talk about money!

So, how do you keep from being debilitated by changes in the economy, business, housing and stock market that are out of your control?

Be Proactive.  Be Prepared.  Recognize the “enemy” and know your best defense strategy.   It’s important to know what stress is, to recognize your personal symptoms and get clues for how to turn it to your advantage.

What is stress?  Simply put, stress is the perception that the demands placed upon us are more than we can handle.  Notice stress is not an  absolute.  It’s not how much money we have or don’t have, it’s what we think or feel about it that either makes us thrive, or makes us sick.

How does stress affect you? Let’s start by identifying your stress type.

I like to say there are two types of stress responders:  Those who explode, and those who implode.  Exploders tend to externalize stress, sometimes showing sudden and unexpected anger, or becoming verbally or physically aggressive.  But exploders may also leak out, showing up as short tempered, irritable, impatient and hypersensitive.

Those who implode may get even quieter and more reserved when stressed.  They experience overwhelm, exhaustion, lack of motivation, crying, low energy, withdrawal, isolation.  It sometimes shows up as loss of appetite, insomnia, aches and pains, low libido, or disinterest in anything new.

It’s important to notice that your reaction may be very different to your partner’s, children, friends or family members.  Relax, it’s ok to let everyone (including yourself) react in their own way.  Recognizing and understanding when stress is at work is the key!

When you know stress is rearing it’s head and messing with your equilibrium, what can you do?

Think of stress like a little bit of water in a pressure cooker.  By itself, the water means very little.  Turn on the flame, the water will heat up, but evaporate.  Seal the lid, and you’ve got an explosion. 

So, I suggest a Three-prong attack for dealing with financial stress:

Talk it out:  Seek out a counselor, minister, prayer partner, or friend who will listen without judgment.  Focus on expressing your feelings (that’s the “water in your pot”) more than the story.  You can also talk to yourself, your pet, write in your journal, or sing to release pent-up anxieties.

Move it out. Take the lid off your pot.  I won’t say “exercise”, because for some of you, that causes more stress.  Simply move your body.  Walk, dance to your favorite R&B or Hip Hop. Breathe.  Swing your arms, be a little silly when no one’s watching, play with a child.  For exploders, you can yell, scream, beat a pillow (just don’t hurt yourself or anyone else).  And, oh yeah, consensual sex is excellent for taking the lid off… (more about that next time!).

Chill it out. Turn off the fire, let it all simmer down.  Take slow breaths.  Meditate, pray, get still.  Listen in, be in silence or merge into your favorite gentle music.  Do yoga, Tai Chi, or simply lay on the floor and “play dead”. You’ll be amazed at the creative ideas that become available when you chill it out.

And finally, see your financial challenge as the opportunity to get creative.  Remember,

more millionaires were created during the Great Depression

than at any other time in history.

Go back to school, start your own business, turn a hobby into a side job, partner with others to create new programs or services.  Find your passion, and use the energy of the stressful situation to propel you to success!